When men truly support their wives

My husband told me a story the other morning.  A story he had no idea would have such a big impact on me. 

Over the weekend he was a t a friend's house playing games.  This is a group of guys he has known for the better half of his life. He/we know them well, we know their wives, their kids, and their pets.  In general, over the last 45 years I have been alive, I have noticed the trend that humans tend to side with their friends when it comes to a spouse complaining about the other spouse.  For instance, if my friend were to say, "my partner is being a prick" I (very honestly) would probably not defend said "prick". That is likely the reason that this story had such a big impact on me.

Ok, so back to my husband's friend's gaming table.

All of the guys are married and are slightly younger than we are, as are their wives.  I believe the youngest wife is 38 and closest to us is probably 43, all are prime perimenopause age. Two of the guys started complaining about how their wives have been "bitchier" lately and more "naggy" than usual (guys, let me start by advising to NEVER let you wife here you say those words, especially if you value your balls).  My husband, instead of corroborating or staying silent, said "what your wives are going through, the things they are about to experience because of hormone changes, is going to rock their world both mentally and physically" (that isn't an exact quote but it's the gist of what I can remember). He told them to do some research about perimenopause and to do what they can to support their wives as they go through this massive life change, because it is going to be hard on the guys but infinitely worse for their wives.

**excuse me while I swoon over the absolute love of my life** 

What he didn't realize at the time was that by defending his friend's wives', he was supporting me. By telling his friends that shit is about to get real, he was promoting perimenopause education. By telling them to educate themselves, he was telling them they need to do better.  In that seemingly unimpactful story, he was telling me how much he loves and care for me.  At least that's how I see it. He loves me so much and sees what I am going through, that he feels the need to defend actions caused by perimenopause to other men.  I honestly didn't think that I could love him more and then he does this.  My heart is so full. <3

I did let him read this before I posted it, he told me that he had no idea the impact that story would have on me.  I literally thought about it all day. I thought about how lucky I am to have such a supportive partner to share my life with, and how different things would be if I didn't have his support during this time.  How much harder would all these changes be for me if he wasn't interested in learning more about what is going on with my hormone changes and how they are affecting me and doing what he can to help me through it?  Gods, that sounds terrible. I Have heard stories about spouses that were/are less mindful (I think that is the word I am looking for) about this change.  These are the guys that can't handle the lack of sex drive their wife is experiencing, so they cheat.  These are the guys that care more about complaining about the moodiness of their wives than the cause of that moodiness. For those of you with that kind of spouse (or ex-spouse) I am so sorry you have had to deal with that behavior.

We (women) know that we have been woefully under-prepared for the changes that happen to us during perimenopause. Now let's think about then men in our lives, they too have been epically undereducated on the anatomy and science of women. Many still believe that women are the same as men but without a penis. We, of course, know this is so amazingly wrong.  So, here is where we woMan-splain things to them. :D  

All joking aside, I started this blog to help educate myself and other women about menopause. To form a community where we can feel safe talking about things that weren't talk about when we were younger.  A place where we can support each other as our worlds are turned inside out, upside-down, and backwards. A safe place for questions to be asked and answered.  A place where we can commiserate and make suggestions. This blog will remain that way, for us women. However, it is also our responsibility (because everything is) to educate our partners so they can be there and know how to help support us.  

I included a section below of some potential resources for the guys in our lives.  Please know I have not read any of the books I am sharing here, but they were recommended by google when I searched for "books for men about menopause".  There are also some links for online resources, for the guys (they will probably be helpful for us as well).

Happy educating, ladies!